This Excellent Absurdity

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Posts Tagged Love

There is a Voice

May 28

Posted by KEvin in My Perspective | No Comments

Longing For The Voice by Wojciech Dziadosz - Click on the picture to Check Him Out!

There is a voice, the voice of a phantom, a spirit, my Father. He speaks of things that are contrary to my nature but nonetheless feel a part of me: my true self revealed in his words. He asks of me things that are difficult yet worthwhile, seemingly impossible yet virtuous, and extremely painful yet exceedingly important. I’m speaking of this now because of the revelation that it’s quite possible that he is speaking to you as well. It is imperative that we speak the words of our Father. I want to know them; I want to hear them. Although, I ask you to consider, as you read this, that there is nothing in my life more absolute than these words. I’m surer about these things than anything else.

My father has called me to be his voice for the broken, beaten, and the damned. He’s asked me to look into dark places to cultivate light. He has required of me to believe and trust in people unconditionally, in spite of each person’s inability to do the same back. He encourages me to expect the beautiful and the wonderful and to continue to be surprised by the evil and the ugly. He’s taught me that cynicism breed’s darkness while faith, love, and trust produce immeasurable amounts of light. And to top it all off, he asks that I believe in his life, his words, and trust them above all else and so I trust these words, these ideas and thoughts. I will endure all forms of discouragement I receive for believing in these ideas and continue to try my hardest to live accordingly.

Very rarely do I stand on absolutes, for I really despise the lack of conversation that is a result of such an attitude. But as I stated before this is who I am and this is who I was born or re-born to be.

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“As Yourself”

May 9

Posted by KEvin in My Perspective, Uncategorized | No Comments


          I’m fascinated by the idea of loving someone “as yourself,” and have spent an awful lot of time pondering the meaning, the possibilities, and the difficulties with loving someone else using the same means and measure in which we love and care for ourselves. In a culture as individualistic as the one in which we live, how rare is it we find someone who cares just as much about someone else’s needs as they do about their own. What would it even look like for one person to give up their individual rights, their individual freedoms, and their individual luxuries for the shared rights, shared freedoms, and shared luxuries of the community. Who in their right mind would give of their voice to a child who doesn’t have one, or give of their own food or property to those who have found themselves without. What kind of person chooses to give up what is rightfully theirs to keep. Who would give up their own life, their own desires, their own dreams, their own God-given resources for someone else.

          Jesus often gave instructions that pointed to the heart of this concept, the one that comes to mind first for me is this one:

If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you. “

          I’ve always seen this particular teaching of Jesus’ to be extreme and radical because it goes against the way most of us live today.  All of Jesus’ teachings teach us to love but were not meant to follow them as one follows a law, but we follow the spirit in which each instruction was given.  We follow love.  We give our shirt to the man who sues us because he is a man in need, because we love him, his needs our like our needs.  The person who forces us to go along with them for a mile, we happily go two, for maybe they just need a friend and we know what that’s like, no man should be friendless.  And when our neighbors, friends, family, or even our enemies ask or require something of us, we are to consider, what if it were me?

          For the young and for the innocent, this instruction, to love others as yourself comes really easy, almost natural.  It’s not rare to see this type of love in our children, for example, the time a young a boy begged his mom to get McDonald’s for the homeless guy on the corner, or the little girl who gave the contents of her entire piggy bank to the missionary who spoke at church.  But life often takes away more than it gives and one of the things it subtracts from our lives is our ability or willingness to love others as ourselves.  Most of us began in our young life, giving, loving, sharing as if others were just as important as ourselves, but then something happened: someone we gave to, took to much, walked away with a piece of our soul, or spit in our face.  The result of which is a heart that’s less open, less warm, less willing to give, to share, and to love, taking our natural ability to love others as ourselves and replacing it with a constant struggle to force ourselves back open.  The truth is to love someone as yourself, is to take a risk, to put your heart and soul on the line on a regular basis.  And inevitably, we all get hurt.  So what then?  How do we get back to where we once were?  The answer to this question is far from simple, I think when it gets to that point, we only have one choice and that’s to lean on the words of Jesus, that if we ask of Him, we will receive.

          Lord, knowing that this is the story behind the current condition of my heart, and my soul I call for, I beg, I plead, I desperately cry out asking for the restoration of my innocence, my warm and open heart, the chunk of my soul that disappeared. I pray that you do the same for all who find themselves here. I ask that you begin to change the fundamentals that are shaping the world around us from the mindset of the individual into the mindset of the community.  Revive in me the ability to love others as myself.

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Love Thy Neighbor

May 2

Posted by KEvin in My Perspective | No Comments

Love Thy Neighbor

The love that enlarges not it’s borders, that is not over spreading, including, and deepening, will contract, shrivel, decay, and die.” – George MacDonald.


        When you think about the relationships you have or have had with your siblings, or those you consider as such, several things may come to mind: you might think of how much you like, appreciate, or admire them, or of how they’ve let you down, you might worry about them and their well being, or wish you could take back the nasty things you said last time you spoke, maybe you wish you spoke with them more frequently, or maybe you think you speak to them too much.  No matter what thoughts are in your mind, you have to admit, you do think about them.  We don’t get to pick our brothers and our sisters, and so we fight, we give the silent treatment, we hold grudges, but in spite of all the fighting and bickering we just aren’t able to completely do away with the basic love we feel for our siblings.  For some reason or purpose we were created with an inability to resist the brotherhood within.  Indifference doesn’t come naturally but through much practice and determination and often times only serves the purpose of masking other more painful emotions.  Often times we may wish we could feel indifferent and we may try to force ourselves into a state of indifference, but if we are truly honest with ourselves, our sibling’s existence is not easily forgotten, discarded, or ignored.

        I point this out to say, isn’t this the way it should be with all the people we are connected to.  For what is indifference, really, but the neglect of love, or a general reality of lovelessness.  Isn’t it indifference that Jesus is asking us to a cast aside when he tells the story of the good and kind Samaritan man?  Wasn’t he challenging us to open up our hearts and our worlds to care about the people who near to us; the people he puts into our paths.  The truth is we do not pick our brothers and our sisters, we do not pick our neighbors, and we do not pick the people in which we connect with along our paths.  However, indifference is a choice, a choice that goes against the very nature of our existence because we were beings created for love.  What a beautiful thing it is to recognize our kin, our kind in those who are close and connected, to see bits and pieces of ourselves in those who cross our path.

        Lord, despite the flaws and frustrations I feel towards some of those who have crossed my path, I make the choice not to be indifferent, to my neighbor, my brother, my sister, or anyone who happens to be, at any moment, standing right next to me.

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My Consolation and Desolation

Feb 6

Posted by KEvin in My Perspective | No Comments

Taken by Brownie Bear and uploaded on Flickr --- This window commemorates the dead of the Great War. The depiction of destruction and desolation either side of the figure in the middle makes the scrolled message 'Thanks be to God who giveth us the victory' strange to me.

“Why can’t I just catch a break?!” — “Why does all this happen to me?” — “Why does it seem that everything is harder for me than for everyone else.”

I don’t know about you, but for me statements like that have come extremely easy, they’re reflexes, kinda like gaging or puking.  I’ve reached a point in my life that even the small victories and blessing that occur in my world seem so minor when held up against the context of my current, somewhat seemingly pathetic existence.  At this moment things just feel desolate.  It’s a struggle to write, a struggle to find meaning or purpose, and really a struggle to just make it through a day.  It’s not that things are so much worse now than they used to be, in fact, very little has changed.  At one point, it just seemed like there was some kind of flow, motion, or movement behind me, like a boat out at sea with the wind in it’s sails, the boat is just along for the ride.  And now the wind has just disappeared, leaving the boat almost motionless in the middle of nowhere.  Even the easy things aren’t as easy as they used to be, and the hard things feel darn near impossible.  It feels like God, the strong force of my life that has been forever pushing me forward, has just disappeared and left me with nothing, making it feel like I’m barely moving, barely breathing, barely living; stuck, stranded, lonely, and far away from sweet relief.

My own story reminds me of St. Ignatious’ concepts of consolation and desolation.  He felt that all of mankind experience times of consolation and desolation.  Consolation consists of those times when we feel that mysterious force behind us like a wind in our sails, when we’re aware of God’s presence in our life and have no doubts that he’s right there, ordaining each step. Things seem to be moving and flowing, and we really get a sense that this life has a motion, a purpose, and a destination.  It’s like walking in a field in the middle of the afternoon when the sun is out and everything is illuminated, we feel safe, we know where we are and where we are going because we can see for miles in any direction.  We have no problem determining right and wrong because we have God acting as our own personal Jiminy Cricket, whispering in our ear.  During consolation, we still have issues and problems just like any other time, but they seem manageable and maybe even a little exciting.

But then there’s  this other thing called desolation.  And desolation is just the opposite, it includes those times when things seem dark, the force that was once thrusting us forward at high speeds has disappeared, and we feel stuck and abandoned.  We become very unsure of God’s presence and as a result become unsure of our own direction, every decision seems more difficult, even the litte ones.  Estranged and foresaken are the feelings that dominate the heart, leaving us feeling paralyzed at most and extremely exhausted at the very least.  It’s leads us to scream and yell, directing our attention to the dark abyss that seems to have replaced the life force that used to be behind us.

Ignatious eventually makes it clear, that these are our feelings, maybe our earthly realities, but our God is an ominpresent God.  He’s there, even when we’re feeling forsaken and abandoned, as we all feel at times, He never actually leaves.  Ignatious goes on to point out that the answers to true life, the road toward the abundant living we’ve all heard so much about is found amidst the times of desolation.  Strength, Patience, Bravery, Loyalty, Faith and True Love are all characteristics developed into a state of completion and perfection during the desolate and dark times.  It’s the man that still believes while in the dark and in the silence who has found perfect faith.  Lord, help me!  When I struggle, when I feel pain, when I see destruction and corruption, when I experience desolation, let me rejoice for the opportunity to have my faith perfected.

2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

- James 1:2-4

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The Constipation of Thought and The Rushing Waters of Friendship

Apr 21

Posted by KEvin in My Perspective | No Comments

Writer's Block

So things have been kind of slow here on the blog, don’t try and adjust your internet connection it’s just a symptom of this massive case of writer’s block I’ve been cursed with, as of late, my journal has suffered something to the same effect.  I hate the feeling that I have something to express but lack the mind frame in which is required of me to be capable of putting them to words.  There are only a handful of feelings more aggravating than that.  However, no matter how clogged my brain may be, it’s never too clogged to recognize the persistent, undying affection my soul has for a friend.  At the very mention of the name of a treasured friend many thoughts, emotions, and words come pouring out of me like the rushing waters of Niagara Falls.  I sat there for hours, my brain still fully clogged and bloated with all the valuable words of wisdom I long to share, and yet page after page had been filled with the wishes, longings, desires, and infinite supply of loving and affectionate thoughts that have found their residence within me, toward a friend. And yet all is done in vain, for I am left to wonder If these words will ever be heard, understood, or shared.  Which, by chance, happens to be even more of an aggravating feeling than that which I spoke of prior.

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If Only We Could Truly Know…

Apr 21

Posted by KEvin in Perspective, Quote | No Comments

If men could only know each other, they would neither idolize nor hate.”

- Elbert Hubbard

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Human Affection

Apr 13

Posted by KEvin in Perspective, Quote | 2 Comments

The effect of the indulgence of this human affection is a certain cordial exhilaration.  In poetry and in common speech the emotions of benevolence and complacency which are felt toward others are likened to the material effects of fire; so swift, or much more swift, more active, more cheering, are these fine inward irradiations.  From the highest degree of passionate love to the lowest degree of good will, they make the sweetness of life.”

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

MY RE-WRITE

The consequence of the taking part in this pleasurable experience called human affection is an intensely comfortable and lively emotion.  In our stories and our real life relations the feeling of kindness and satisfaction which we feel for one another is much like the physical feeling of warming yourself by a fire.  There are few things more exhilirating than these sparks of light that peirce through the dark.  Whether it be an intense affection or just a kind act done one to another, these are the ingrediants that add the sweetness to life.

-  Ralph Waldo Emerson (paraphrased)

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Re-Writing Our Histories

Apr 12

Posted by KEvin in My Life, My Perspective, Perspective | No Comments

Blog - THe Wind in Your Vagina

I love discovering new blogs!  It’s like opening a whole new world of exciting new perspective. When I do find a good one I’m just like a kid waking up on Christmas morning and it was truly just like that when I discovered Black Hockey Jesus’ Blog “The Wind In Your Vagina.” Black Hockey Jesus writes one of those beautifully crafted daddy blogs, and yet his is so much better than any of the other ones I’ve ever come across.

A few weeks ago He wrote an entry where he mentioned that when his kids were born it was like his entire history had been re-written.  And ever since I read that little tid-bit from his entry I haven’t been able to get it out of my head.  Now, I realize there are those things in our lives that happen to us unexpectedly that change everything, our past, present, and future, events like what Black Hockey Jesus described, events such as: holding your brand new baby boy or girl in your arms, a friendship given on a daily basis, or the first time you lay eyes on the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.  And yet what his perspective triggered within me was slightly different. I began to wonder if re-writing our history was actually possible and I came to the conclusion that if it was it’s what my everyday should be about.  Then I slowly began to realize that with every situation in life the question always arises “What do I do now?” and when we try to answer that question we are presented with exactly that, the opportunity to re-write our histories.

There is probably not a day that goes by that we are not presented with the opportunity or chance to change things, to choose reconciliation, forgiveness, repentance, unconditional love, or grace, the things that truly do re-write the events of our past and re-direct our future.  Maybe this is what is meant when scripture points to us as new creations, not only does our future change but our very essence, which has been defined by our past. It’s when we make these decisions, that our past begins to present a purpose, a drive, a voice that was always calling to us, pushing us to our current moment of reconciliation or redemption.  Too many times we solely focus on our future and the permanentness of our mistakes and we miss out on the fact that Jesus provided for us a way to form a masterpiece with our life by writing and erasing, breaking and repairing, making mistakes and giving them purpose.  For If I were to speak about my own life there are definitely times when I am broken, lost, and blind, and yet I  continue on until my past proves a purpose and I become repaired, found, and healed.  I am determined to write and re-write the story of my life until it’s complete, beautiful and full of purpose.

God grant me the wisdom to use reconciliation, forgiveness, love, and grace to write and re-write the story of my life in a way that’s brings people closer to wanting and having a relationship with you.  I have a lot to learn, and many things to re-write, guide my steps, for you are the light that I depend on to guide me along this path.  Thank you! AMEN

Happy Easter Everybody!

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February Letter

Mar 6

Posted by KEvin in The Letters | No Comments

To my friends and family, to those I know personally or barely know at all, to those I’ve passed on the street or those who have just stumbled upon this blog, to all of those who walk this world, facing their fears, discovering truth, and struggling to fulfill their true nature:  To all of you, I share my heart.

There are words and phrases that we use everyday that carry with them a certain amount of arrogance especially when used to imply we possess their exact meanings.  Phrases and words that are, in their very essence, a mystery, a riddle, or a paradox.  Words like faith, trust, courage, belief, or love.  It’s a fact of the universe that who ever may pretend to possess the full meaning of any of these words is absurdly arrogant or just insane or both.  The greatest of these mysteries is love.

The following is what I understand of love in as far as I have come into my own existence.  It’s the basics, a start, the beginning of a journey.  Love is something that must be experienced and lived, something that develops, something that moves and evolves, much like life itself.  It finds it’s meaning in motion, it’s lived forward but understood backward. Love is not something created by us and therefore it’s not something capable of being destroyed by us.  In the same way it’s not defined by or dependant on anything we do.  It’s something that lives and breathes apart from us, like a roommate we either choose to live among and remain with or depart from.  And it’s easier to understand love in pieces and fragments: moments that reveal truths about the very character of love.   Like Paul who has put love to words in that very way, explaining that true love exists in these very simple and straight forward truths.

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.  It does not insist on it’s own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

And just as Paul put forward his understanding of Love and it’s bounds and boundlessness, so will I, build from the foundation that Paul put forth and explain the aspects of Love as they have become clear to me.

“Love is both beautiful and painful.  It is not manipulative but requires and demands freedom, the choice to give or not give, to share or stay quiet, to remain vulnerable or to run away. Love concerns itself not so much with the happiness of the beloved but with their progress.  It never desires to hold back or stand in the way, but calls for perfection and completion.  Love often points to the sins and flaws of the beloved, yet is always willing to forgive. Love is neither selfless nor selfish, but longs for the perfect balance of the two.   It never completely walks away or dies quietly for true love will always endure all types of trials, tribulations, and troubles.  Love never gives up: for it’s very tightly connected to hope, always willing to believe in the possibility of redemption.”

Just as everyone possesses their own personally unique fingerprint, they also bring to every relationship their own uniquely evolved balance of love.  Love is like paint on a canvas, each person is going to balance all the aspects of love differently creating their own masterpiece upon their canvas, resulting in uniquely beautiful pieces of art.  And just like any true artist will tell you, ones art is never fully developed or mastered.  Love is not complete until life takes it’s final bow, it takes a lifetime to master, it takes an eternity to learn how to love best and most best, it takes forever and a day of trial and error, of moments of beauty and pain, of courage and vulnerability.  Anything can happen along the journey towards the perfection of love, it’s about learning, growing, and evolving.  It requires of us to endure the pain and continue loving even when we no longer feel it: for love is not something to be felt but something to be lived.

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The Misrepresentation of Freedom

Feb 19

Posted by KEvin in My Perspective, Quote | No Comments

Several years ago many of us all were introduced to Tyler Durden.  We wanted to be him, we wanted to be free the way Tyler was free.  Free from want and free from need, free from everything that makes us feel chained down and held in one place. Most likely there is no one among us who hasn’t thought, at one time or another how great it would be if we were free to just pick up and do what ever we wanted; to move to another country, to be completely free to spontaneously make whatever decision sounds good, right, or just at any moment.  He spoke right to us about a life we had only dreamed about.  “You’re not your job.  You’re not how much money you have in the bank.” – “People do it everyday, they talk to themselves… they see themselves as they’d like to be, they don’t have the courage you have to just run with it.” – It’s only when we’ve lost everything that we are free to do anything.” We became fascinated with the glorified life of complete freedom, what were we thinking?  Is freedom worth losing it all? Because if we take a deeper look, we would find that true freedom only exists when everything but self is forsaken.  And then what’s there to live for, all the things that actually make life meaningful require submission.  Maybe that’s why Jesus spent more time talking about life as a servant then he did about a life of earthly freedom.  And then if we watch or read more carefully we would find that even Tyler’s story ended in submission.   To find oneself free from debt, free from material consumerism, free from sin would all be wonderful things, but to be completely free is to not be needed, cared about, depended on, or loved because unadulterated freedom requires a separation from anything real.  Is it possible that we weren’t meant to be free, but only to be more careful when selecting our masters, because as Tyler said, “This is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time.”

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