This Excellent Absurdity

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My Consolation and Desolation

Feb 6

Posted by KEvin in My Perspective | No Comments

Taken by Brownie Bear and uploaded on Flickr --- This window commemorates the dead of the Great War. The depiction of destruction and desolation either side of the figure in the middle makes the scrolled message 'Thanks be to God who giveth us the victory' strange to me.

“Why can’t I just catch a break?!” — “Why does all this happen to me?” — “Why does it seem that everything is harder for me than for everyone else.”

I don’t know about you, but for me statements like that have come extremely easy, they’re reflexes, kinda like gaging or puking.  I’ve reached a point in my life that even the small victories and blessing that occur in my world seem so minor when held up against the context of my current, somewhat seemingly pathetic existence.  At this moment things just feel desolate.  It’s a struggle to write, a struggle to find meaning or purpose, and really a struggle to just make it through a day.  It’s not that things are so much worse now than they used to be, in fact, very little has changed.  At one point, it just seemed like there was some kind of flow, motion, or movement behind me, like a boat out at sea with the wind in it’s sails, the boat is just along for the ride.  And now the wind has just disappeared, leaving the boat almost motionless in the middle of nowhere.  Even the easy things aren’t as easy as they used to be, and the hard things feel darn near impossible.  It feels like God, the strong force of my life that has been forever pushing me forward, has just disappeared and left me with nothing, making it feel like I’m barely moving, barely breathing, barely living; stuck, stranded, lonely, and far away from sweet relief.

My own story reminds me of St. Ignatious’ concepts of consolation and desolation.  He felt that all of mankind experience times of consolation and desolation.  Consolation consists of those times when we feel that mysterious force behind us like a wind in our sails, when we’re aware of God’s presence in our life and have no doubts that he’s right there, ordaining each step. Things seem to be moving and flowing, and we really get a sense that this life has a motion, a purpose, and a destination.  It’s like walking in a field in the middle of the afternoon when the sun is out and everything is illuminated, we feel safe, we know where we are and where we are going because we can see for miles in any direction.  We have no problem determining right and wrong because we have God acting as our own personal Jiminy Cricket, whispering in our ear.  During consolation, we still have issues and problems just like any other time, but they seem manageable and maybe even a little exciting.

But then there’s  this other thing called desolation.  And desolation is just the opposite, it includes those times when things seem dark, the force that was once thrusting us forward at high speeds has disappeared, and we feel stuck and abandoned.  We become very unsure of God’s presence and as a result become unsure of our own direction, every decision seems more difficult, even the litte ones.  Estranged and foresaken are the feelings that dominate the heart, leaving us feeling paralyzed at most and extremely exhausted at the very least.  It’s leads us to scream and yell, directing our attention to the dark abyss that seems to have replaced the life force that used to be behind us.

Ignatious eventually makes it clear, that these are our feelings, maybe our earthly realities, but our God is an ominpresent God.  He’s there, even when we’re feeling forsaken and abandoned, as we all feel at times, He never actually leaves.  Ignatious goes on to point out that the answers to true life, the road toward the abundant living we’ve all heard so much about is found amidst the times of desolation.  Strength, Patience, Bravery, Loyalty, Faith and True Love are all characteristics developed into a state of completion and perfection during the desolate and dark times.  It’s the man that still believes while in the dark and in the silence who has found perfect faith.  Lord, help me!  When I struggle, when I feel pain, when I see destruction and corruption, when I experience desolation, let me rejoice for the opportunity to have my faith perfected.

2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

- James 1:2-4

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The Process from Dark to Light – pt.2

Jan 13

Posted by KEvin in My Perspective | No Comments

About Light and Truth2

Last time we put ourselves into Plato’s “Allegory of the Cave” and discovered the constant state of darkness that we, as human beings, consistently subject ourselves to, because of our pride, our self-worth, or fear. If we go back into the Parable we’ll see what life might be like when someone cares about us enough to help bring us out of the dark into the light.

[Socrates] And now look again, and see what will naturally follow if the prisoners are released and disabused of their error. At first, when any of them is liberated and compelled suddenly to stand up and turn his neck round and walk and look towards the light, he will suffer sharp pains; the glare will distress him, and he will be unable to see the realities of which in his former state he had seen the shadows; and then conceive some one saying to him, that what he saw before was an illusion, but… will he not fancy that the shadows which he formerly saw are truer than the objects which are now shown to him?
[Glaucon] Far truer.
[Socrates] And if he is compelled to look straight at the light, will he not have a pain in his eyes which will make him turn away to take and take in the objects of vision which he can see, and which he will conceive to be in reality clearer than the things which are now being shown to him?
[Glaucon] True, he now.
[Socrates] And suppose once more, that he is reluctantly dragged up a steep and rugged ascent, and held fast until he ’s forced into the presence of the sun himself, is he not likely to be pained and irritated? When he approaches the light his eyes will be dazzled, and he will not be able to see anything at all of what are now called realities.
[Glaucon] Not all in a moment, he said.

Is it not just like us, after we stumble upon our first couple of tastes of new truth or of a new world our first instinct is to run back towards our prior life; our prior ignorance. When we are first presented with change we, most often, try to grab hold of what ever we can, often times forcing those around us to pull us , kicking and screaming, out of the dark. Doesn’t it make sense? When we get our first glimpses of the unhealthy habits that we have ignorantly accepted as our current reality, would we not first try to find our way back to ignorant bliss? Is it not the constant state that many cigarette smokers find themselves in? Once they come to the impression that smoking isn’t the best thing for them are they not still searching and searching for anything and everything they can to justify not quitting or the drunkard who finds his behavior to be repulsive during his more sober moments but still runs back to the alcohol in order to forget. It’s just they way we are. It’s been this way for a long time and it’s just our first instinct and our very first thought. Whenever we first discover life in the light we are always going to end up trying to run right back to where we were most comfortable, back into the cave, a place for prisoners and captives, where we become a prisoner by choice thus becoming a prisoner to ourselves.

Not only are we led to the dark because of our own comfortable feelings in our prior surroundings but the new life in itself is, at first glances, too painful to bear. The light of the truth is always painful for those who have been in the dark. The light, our ticket into a new world of freedom, causes the most painful and uncomfortable feeling and immediately causes us to run right back to our prior state of being. In the light we realize the mess we are, we realize how wrong our conclusions have been and we don’t want to face them; we definitely don’t want others to see them. In the dark, we understood the world; at least we thought we did. Coming into the light requires us to let go of most of our more basic assumptions and begin again, a new birth of sorts, I suppose. A new world has to be experienced one that seems unnatural because of the constant state of darkness we’d experienced our entire life prior. We have to begin to discover and feel our way around the new world. Let go of our assumptions and begin again. The life we had in the dark isn’t even close to the life we will experience in the light. And so it is, with every big change and new found knowledge in our lives, each one is a new chance or a new beginning.

It’s a whole lot to take in all at once. It’s difficult and painful, a certain type of death and grieving would have to take place before we could accept any part of our new reality. In order to take that step into the light we have to let something within ourselves die so something deeper can take it’s place, but it’s all based on the faith that living in light is better than living in the dark.

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Our Constant State of Darkness

Jan 7

Posted by KEvin in My Perspective, Quote | No Comments

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In Plato’s “Allegory of the Cave” he discusses the relationship between light and truth. Plato plays out his discussion for us on paper as a fictional conversation between his mentor Socrates and his brother Glaucon. He begins his conversation like this”

[Socrates] Behold! human beings living in a underground cave, which has a mouth open towards the light and reaching all along the cave; here they have been from their childhood, and have their legs and necks chained so that they cannot move, and can only see before them, being prevented by the chains from turning round their heads. Above and behind them a fire is blazing at a distance, and between the fire and the prisoners there is a raised way… And do you see, I said, men passing along the wall carrying all sorts of vessels, and statues and figures of animals made of wood and stone and various materials, which appear over the wall? Some of them are talking, others silent.
[Glaucon] You have shown me a strange image, and they are strange prisoners.
[Socrates] Like ourselves, I replied; and they see only their own shadows, or the shadows of one another, which the fire throws on the opposite wall of the cave?
[Glaucon] True, he said; how could they see anything but the shadows if they were never allowed to move their heads?
[Socrates] And of the objects which are being carried in like manner they would only see the shadows?
[Glaucon] Yes, he said.
[Socrates] And if they were able to converse with one another, would they not suppose that they were naming what was actually before them?
[Glaucon] Very true.
[Socrates] And suppose further that the prison had an echo which came from the other side, would they not be sure to fancy when one of the passers-by spoke that the voice which they heard came from the passing shadow?
[Glaucon] No question, he replied.
[Socrates] To them, I said, the truth would be literally nothing but the shadows of the images.
[Glaucon] That is certain.

And so it is with us. We only know what we’ve experienced. We only know of the things that have danced before us, and of the sounds we’ve heard that we begin to associate with the dancing shadows. It’s all we know. Why would we question whether there was anything else, because, of coarse if there was something else surely we would have discovered it by now.

It seems as if we live in this constant place of dark dancing shadows and echoes.  Over time when we don’t experience anything else we begin to accept what we see as the only truth that exists. As human beings we seem to be attracted to the dark, many times we feel more comfortable there because the darkness protects us from being vulnerable and raw with each other. We keep secrets, we deny truths, we run from those we care about, all because we would rather be entertained by the dark shadows than for anyone, even ourselves, to see who or what we truly are.

There are so many mechanisms in which we use to keep us in the dark, for me; most recently, it was my own low view of self-worth; “Am I really worthy enough to stand in the light?” But maybe for you it’s pride, when you isolate yourself as the lone knower and protector of everything good and true and are un-effected by the opinions and feelings of those around you, the result of that will always be, you alone and in the dark. Maybe it’s fear. Maybe you are afraid to find a truth that you don’t believe you could handle if one day you found out it was true. Not to mention the world as vast and endless as it is in it’s supply of wisdom, knowledge, and perspective that no matter how much we try we are always going to be in the dark in some way. We are always only going to see that which is in front of us. No matter what it is we always seem to find ourselves captives of the dark.

What are you seeing in front of you? Is it possible that what you see isn’t the only truth that exists? Is it possible that the shadows and echoes that entertain you are only a part of a greater more beautiful existence? If so, have you tried to imagine what that reality might look like, have you found within yourself a longing for something better? Maybe it’s out there but first you have to realize what you know might not be the only thing to know.

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